It’s walls white,
Dress code; official.
I couldn’t differentiate the doctors from the patients.
“You are yet to learn more about our institution.” the receptionist said to me.
But i could barely listen to her.
I was still searching for the definition of this place,
I would soon start calling ‘home’,
A term that i associated with peace and chill.
Oh! The white walls and vaccumed tiles of the asylum.
“Your illness is easily curable here!” said a welcoming doctor.
I sheepishly looked away,
I did not know what to say.
A cold chill dazed through my body,
As if preparing me for a war.
Then i met my first friend,
Gazed at me as if telling me ‘run!’
He couldn’t hold me nor hug me,
But i felt like he wanted to….and so did i.
This was the beginning of a new life,
In this place i call the asylum.
Two years down the line,
I’m still at ‘home’.
Still trying to adjust,
With this new idea that him shall not touch her, because him is a weaker sexual being and might be led into tempation.
You see, before this new world, in my previous world,
Him and her would hug each other freely,
Because a hug is just but an expression of affection and both him and her understood that clearly.
But in this world, my new world, him and her should avoid each other like plagues or else the dreaded injection shall be administered.
And we all don’t want that, now do we?
It’s full of vague rules, my new world, the asylum.
I can tell that my sickness is being treated,
Slow but sure.
I may not agree with its policies,
But already I’m here.
There’s so much you can do to change the damn rules,
Because each patient has their own view.
And the few you convince to follow your view, are too scared of the dreaded injection and so they keep away from you.
Because in the asylum, no one is allowed to go against the authority.
“Perhaps I’m in the right place”
I try convincing myself.
“you’ll meet others just like you”
I mantra to myself.
But who said every mad man suffers from the same level of madness?
I was told that in the asylum, these white walls and vaccumed tiles, i would make or break my future.
However, the norm in the asylum was that every patient, would walk out of it’s doors fully healed and there would be a certificate and maybe a party to prove this.
And now, i look at my fellow mad friends as madness competitors rather than genuine, long life friends.
This is what i have become, a victim of endless competition and have no vision to see further than the limitation that this competition is having on me.
Oh the damn asylum.
Time flies though.
Just two more years and I’ll be out of this ‘home’
How i loath calling it home.
Because the home i know, the home i come from, i am accepted for who i am, my views are considered, my religion is respected, my voice is heard, my dressing is my choice, affection is allowed; i know no fear. I see no one as a competition. I have true relations. I am not gagged for talking about real life issues.
But in this asylum, i feel like i know not the world anymore.
I was told, because I’m a girl, i should cover up myself from head to toe, because that is regarded as dignity in the asylum.
I was told, because I’m a girl, i am not allowed to be treated by a male doctor without a nurse being in the room.
At the entrance of the asylum, you will find two, not so welcoming ladies, with matching and not so attractive uniforms, at either side of the door.
No, they are not there to usher you into the asylum. They are there to judge and critisize your dress code as you enter the asylum.
You see, if you do not adhere to their policy of ‘dressing in a dignified manner’ you lose your identity as one of the asylum patients.
At the asylum, other than the regular doctors who give you your daily dose of medication, you are also assigned a special doctor who is somewhat your personal advicer. Some good, most bad.
Now these advisors will basically design for you your whole life to make you ‘a better person’ for the sake of the whole community.
They will chose for you your friends, your religion and some may even chose for you your marital status. Well, all these depends on how much you let them in your life.
This is the first time in my life i dread the smell of rain as it hits the soil. Because in the asylum, this does not mean that patients should be tacked into their beds…or maybe take time and enjoy nature.
No, the smell of rain means nothing to the asylum.
However, the asylum does have it’s positive side too.
It’s a one of a kind institution in the country,
With the best medical technology that heals even the highest level of madness and guarantees full healing based on the medication.
I have learnt that depending on self is the best thing to do and when in doubt of self, there will always be that one friend who whispers “you can do this!”
In the asylum, i have learnt that i have the power to control my emotions and that being beaten down does not always mean fall on the ground, sonetimes it just means you have the strength to prove them wrong.
Just two more years in the asylum,
Then it shall be a bitter sweet goodbye.
Oh the white walls and vaccumed tiles of The Asylum.©